Let’s go back to the very beginning …
Pamela Lansky Williams
A good one, a bad one! A happy one, a sad one. Full of love, full of joy, or unhappy girl, unhappy boy ... ‘Til death do us part, or ‘til bad times start …
Thank you so much for the feedback on my first column. It was a wonderful affirmation. I hope I can continue to provide insights, thoughts and challenges that will be valuable to you in your life. And, so on with this complex journey of relationships and how we can get the best out of them.
Last month I started out simply with a reminder that at any given moment we are participating in a relationship – with another or others (or perhaps a beloved four-legged friend!) Or when we are alone in our own space with ourselves. Now let me take this further – that the richness or otherwise of these encounters is dependent on our thoughts, beliefs and expectations – thoughts, beliefs and expectations that we formed from our individual, personal life experience.
And so, this month, let’s talk about how we formed our set of thoughts, beliefs and expectations and the relationship between these and personal life experiences.
To do this, we need to go back to the beginning of our life as a little child …
Messages from my childhood – how I got them and how they have influenced relationships that I have brought into my life.
Beginning way back, observing through the very young and innocent eyes of the child, we learnt about how people treated each other – about loving and compassion, about anger and silence. We began to recognize the difference between feeling safe and feeling fear.
These messages about people, love and the world, that we absorbed from the behaviour and words of our parents, our carers, our teachers, these examples of what we saw, heard and experienced, became a blueprint of how we will see and understand the world around us and who we are in it. So, when we spread our wings to go out into the world and get a taste of living, we took this inner set of beliefs, experiences and expectations with us and began to live life as we had seen it lived as a child. The picture painted for us of a ‘normal’ life.
Maybe, or maybe not, sometimes for a long time, our relationship with life, others and oneself may feel just fine. But when things are not going so well, and unhappiness and disappointments in relationships becomes a part of life, we must become aware that living how we have been taught isn’t working.
And when this moment of realization arrives, you are ready to begin a journey of self discovering, unearthing you, the individual, your exclusive one of a kind self, not solely, and so much more than simply, a product of your upbringing.
And I would really like to say at this point, that so very often our role models, who were striving to do their best, have passed on messages, rules, etc. that they learnt about life from their parents and so on, back through the generations. But as times change and personalities evolve, these messages need to be reviewed and individualized.
The significance and power of breaking a generational cycle, does not only provide an opportunity for individualization – it is far reaching. When an individual changes life dynamics and how they live, future generations also change. So let’s make the change a good one!
It is a time to challenge old beliefs, models of behavior, expectations and beliefs. This is where we begin to change how we live our own lives, make our own choices, take charge of our unique destinies, be in charge of us, claim our true selves.
Exploring Childhood Messages.
These are the messages (or beliefs) that you have brought with you that have largely formed who you are and how your life functions. Often they were great messages and work, but many times, not.
But before this can happen we need to go back again and look at the messages of childhood and how we change, them and subsequently our thinking about how we see and live life!
The optimist and therapist in me sees this moment full of rich potential for an evolving individuality, an exciting moment of change and personal growth. We will be looking in depth at how this evolution unfolds next month.
In closing I think this is the perfect moment to share with you another of my wakeup moments for empowerment, taking control of and creating a great life. To always know, at any moment, I am a product of my thoughts …
I am what I think I am …
Keep this little treasure of a thought with you for the month, and please continue to share your thoughts, questions and insights with me.
My very best,
Pamela Lansky Williams – Relationships
Pamela is a Humanist, an optimist, and someone who believes in the good of human nature and tries to live every day to its full potential. Now 10 years in private practice as a Counsellor, she found her true niche professionally as a Counsellor and Case Manager in a community centre that provided support for women and families in crisis, equipping them with skills to survive and thrive! An advocate for Women Against Violence, Pamela passionately believes in the need for more and better education of people around these issues. A quiet follower of Buddhist principles, she does hands on work at the Wayside Chapel in Kings Cross, Sydney, and actively supports disability and homelessness. She is also a mother, traveller, meditator and voracious learner who enjoys keeping fit, and sharing good food and laughter. Pamela can be contacted at pamelannw[at]hotmail[dot]com
Life Balance = Give. Love. Grow