New WonderWriter Pamela introduces herself.

pamphotoPamela Lansky Williams

Relationships …

A good one, a bad one! A happy one, a sad one. Full of love, full of joy, or unhappy girl, unhappy boy ... ‘Til death do us part, or ‘til bad times start …

Hello dear WonderWomen.

Let me introduce myself. I am Pamela, a practicing generalist counsellor, working with women to  help them discover their Real Self and find true happiness and personal power.

The first step in this process is exploring their lives from childhood through to the now, challenging thoughts and behaviour patterns, recognising that these have been moulded by influences and experiences of which they have often had very little control and often don’t work, and confronting set-ups we have put in place to ensure that our needs are met.

Learning skills to challenge old patterns and ingrained habits and substituting them with new, more functional ones marks the beginning of positive personal change. From this place of empowerment springs a new enlivened way of approaching self, life and love. And in the way we relate to others.

Month by month, in Relationships, I am inviting you along on this same interesting and informative, potentially life changing journey of  Self discovery, on which  I take my clients. We will look at balance in relationships and the power of choice, and with this dynamic tucked firmly under our belt, get to see how we can live more harmoniously in that most tantalising relationship, the love relationship, when feeling empowered, we begin to take on more responsibility for outcomes in our lives. More about that later …

For now, let’s begin at the beginning and give some thought to relationships generally. Every moment we are participating in one, communicating with a friend, a lover, a family member, with ourselves; perhaps with a stranger who until we share a smile, a kind word, or a lending hand, was just that – a stranger. Sending a message about how we feel about them. These are special moments of connection with others, living with love, as a free spirit fully tuned in to the grand symphony of life.

But now I want to move on to more specifically, looking at how we go about having a meaningful relationship with others, who we are in a relationship with others, how much control we have over how things pan out for us.

I used to think that life handed out different packages to everybody and it was the luck of the draw as to how great or otherwise one’s life would be. Then, after just one day of learning just how much control we do have over our lives, this thinking disappeared forever … This is my short story.

Over the years, I had been in and out of relationships of many kinds and intensity; always hopeful, most often hopes dashed. After yet another failed venture into love, searching for someone to truly love me, to make my life OK, disillusioned and sceptical (as I had begun to approach life!), my despair took me off to a seminar on Self Empowerment.

There, determined to face my struggles and my humanity, I looked deep into my soul, seeking answers to perplexing questions. And, perfect seminar scenario, I left with just seven little words, which spoke to my heart, and my quest for answers of why I wasn’t happier in my life was there before my eyes.

It seemed too simple to be true, but these words illuminated in a flash my entire understanding of why many of my decisions and in most of my relationships, the roads I had travelled in my life hadn’t led to happiness. I had given my power away to others.

Suddenly I understood that the most important relationship in my life was with me and if I wanted to have a good life, I had to be the one in control of my life – I had to make choices, not let them be made for me. I had learned that

Every moment is a moment of choice.

Each time you apply these seven simple little words with conviction to any situation, you look to yourself for answers, for building a relationship of love and trust with yourself, you are not giving away your power to others.

Take care,

‘til next month.


Pamela Lansky Williams – Relationships
Pamela is a Humanist, an optimist, and someone who believes in the good of human nature and tries to live every day to its full potential. Now 10 years in private practice as a Counsellor, she found her true niche professionally as a Counsellor and Case Manager in a community centre that provided support for women and families in crisis, equipping them with skills to survive and thrive! An advocate for Women Against Violence, Pamela passionately believes in the need for more and better education of people around these issues. A quiet follower of Buddhist principles, she does hands on work at the Wayside Chapel in Kings Cross, Sydney, and actively supports disability and homelessness. She is also a mother, traveller, meditator and voracious learner who enjoys keeping fit, and sharing good food and laughter. Pamela can be contacted at pamelannw[at]hotmail[dot]com
Life Balance = Give. Love. Grow